Hey Dorc
By Jane | June 11, 2009
Are You A Dorc?
Come on, be honest, are you a dorc? I think the body of Christ should be filled to overflowing with Dorcs! I love the story of a disciple (hmmm, notice how the early church had women disciples…that issue for another time) named Dorcas. Her life, tragic death and dramatic restoration are detailed in Acts 9: 36-42. Take a moment and go read her story, it’s pretty amazing. I was just wondering, if you were to die today, how many ( if any) individuals would be so impacted by your giving life that they’d pray fervently for you to come back to life or send for those who believed in miracles to pray for your resurrection. I’m not talking about co-dependent behavior (“Oh I can’t live without them…). I am referring to individuals, who would say about you; “You know they really impacted my life; they honestly made a difference, the world truly is a better place because of them”. Or would most people upon learning of your death just shed a few tears, say some nice words then go on their way because in reality your life never truly touched theirs.
Just wondering, if you are a Dorc. I hope I am!
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What Do YOU Think – Part 2
By Jane | June 3, 2009
What Do YOU Think?
Part Two
I mentioned in my last blog that recently I’ve become aware of a trend (or push) in the media that could create a negative spillover effect for today’s believer. A great many news and entertainment programs now promote a feedback feature. These programs encourage people to express their viewpoint by “calling in”, “texting” “e-mailing”, or responding on their “twitter” or “face book” page. Modern media has made this feedback feature a major thrust of their industry. So what’s the danger in this? After all, you’re definitely entitled to your own opinion and viewpoint by virtue of the fact that you live in a democracy. You may express your opinions in the political arena by working for the candidate of your choice and voting for them. You may freely articulate your opinions in print regarding your favorite social cause. However, I see individuals who too often embrace the Christian faith while thinking that it is designed as a democracy and it is not.
Those who claim Christianity need to remember that God is sovereign. When He makes a decision, sets forth a course of action, or a command, He seeks no man’s counsel. He decrees a thing and that is it. He never takes a popular vote, sets up a committee, or runs a poll to see what popular opinion would dictate He do. He is God, the final and ultimate authority.
God has designed His kingdom and His church to operate as a theocracy not a democracy. His Word tells us that He intended the local church to function and operate decently and orderly through the key elements of authority and submission. These concepts are greatly misunderstood and not well tolerated in a capitalistic democracy that advocates you have a say in every governmental decision. The American free enterprise system puts a high premium on the preferences of individuals since meeting a variety of individual tastes and demands causes it to prosper. In the political, social and economic realms our opinion are influential and carry weight. However, this is not how God has planned the church to function. Let us not confuse the two arenas.
Romans 12:2
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. NLT
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What Do YOU Think?
By Jane | May 13, 2009
Recently I’ve become aware of a trend (or push) in our media that I think can be insidiously dangerous. Have you noticed lately how almost every news program and numerous entertainment programs have a feedback feature? These programs encourage you to: “call in”, “twitter” a response, send a “text” message, shoot off an “e-mail”, or comment on “face book”. The media has made this feedback feature a major thrust of their industry.
As Americans we all have a right to express ourselves, remembering of course, that this is not an absolute right, there are limitations. The danger I see in this push is that too many people want to express their viewpoint and opinion before they have both sides of the story. The book of wisdom plainly tells us that a wise man or woman knows that there are two sides to every story. Proverbs 18:17 says, “ He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.” KJV That language may be a little foreign to us so let’s look at several other translations. “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him. NIV “Any story sounds true until someone sets the record straight.” NLT
Since we live in a microwave society where we are conditioned to expect immediate results and responses, let us be careful not to let our viewpoints, reactions and opinions be like instant coffee. There are always two sides to every story and a wise person will reserve judgment until when, and if they know all the details.
I see another danger to this media push, but that’s for another time. Until then please call in, e-mail me, send me a text (don’t I’ll have to pay for it) or see my twitter page or face book! Just kidding, totally kidding
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Who & Do Final
By Jane | March 24, 2009
Who & Do
Part 4
As a parent one of the most challenging and ultimately rewarding jobs you will have is building and maintaining your child’s self-esteem. I want to conclude this little set of insights on how to do this; by emphasizing two positive factors.
First of all, a child spells love: T-I-M-E. Whenever you spend time with your child whether it’s watching them play sports, creating a family night, or interacting with them on the drive to school or the store (shut off the cell phone parents) you are conveying to your child they are important. Children know what is important to us by the amount of time and attention we give to certain things. I once had a 16 year old boy in my class who told me, “You know Miss Dauterman, my Dad works at Whirlpool. He’s bought me a four wheeler; we have a camper and a boat. He works all the time to buy that stuff, but all I really want is for my Dad to spend some time with me, maybe take me fishing or something.” (Out of the mouths of babes) This Dad I’m sure felt that providing these things showed how much he valued his son; however the son spelled love: T-I-M-E. Whenever you spend time with your child (not just in front of the television) really interacting with them you are reinforcing your child’s importance. Remember please that listening to them is a critical aspect of spending time with them. Think back to some of your most cherished childhood family time memories; what you remember most vividly isn’t the things but the people you spent time interacting with.
Lastly, many parents put a great deal of effort into correcting, molding, instructing and directing their children in the tasks and demands of life, which is good, right, and necessary. Just a reminder though to make sure that as often as possible you don’t take for granted all the things your child does right. As a former school teacher I picked up a cute phrase worth its weight in gold: “Catch your kid doing something right.” It’s an easy trap to fall into when we focus on the areas of a child’s behavior that needs correction and adjusted; but how about noticing, commenting and complimenting those things that your child does correctly.
Remember parents that you are the most influential person in your child’s life. Your child may never tell you know this, and their behavior may seem to indicate something different, but the truth is your words and actions have an incredibly indelible impact upon them.
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Who & Do
By Jane | March 10, 2009
The Who & The Do
Part Three
Raising children to have a firm sense of value and self worth can be one of a parent’s most challenging assignments. We each desire to know we are loved and accepted for who we are, and not just for what we do. The Bible tells us that it’s the little foxes that spoil the vines. Sometimes parents can unconsciously do or say things that convey to their child that they just aren’t good enough or that they have to earn their parent’s love. That is why from time to time it’s good for parents to examine how they are relating to their children; doing this can help us insure that we are not engaged in any “little” behaviors or expressions that are subtly eating away our child’s self worth.
Tip #3
One way a parent may unconsciously convey to their child that they don’t quite make the grade is by constantly interrupting them or answering for them. Anyone who has ever talked to a child knows that at times it may take them an inordinate amount of time to tell a story, or express themselves, still that child should not be interrupted, told to hurry up or be cut off. When those comments are made the child has indirectly been told their thoughts, feelings are not valued. To the child, this means they are not valued.
Another way to injure a child’s self esteem is to answer for them. For example, not too long ago I was asking a young person about some life changes they had recently experienced. Immediately after I asked a question, before the young person could answer, their mother replied for them. This didn’t happen just once it happened after each of the four times I asked a question. I’m sure this parent wasn’t aware of how this was making their child feel. Not being able to answer for one’s self is another way a child internalizes that they are inadequate, or somehow inferior. So parents remember the Bible teaches us there is time for us to speak and a time for us to remain silent for a reason.
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Who and Do # 2
By Jane | February 26, 2009
The Who & The Do
Part Two
This blog is not a parody of Dr. Seuss! Instead it’s just some timely thoughts I trust might help parents in raising their children to have a firm sense of value and self worth.
Tip # 2
Teaching a child to be responsible, do chores, and clean up after themselves are very important lessons. But let’s be honest parents, by the time you instruct and show your children how to do those tasks; you could have done them yourself in half the time and had more proficient results. But of course, that teaches your child nothing (except you’ll always do their work). An important ingredient when training your child is to realize that they do not have the coordination or thought processes to do those tasks with the same degree of precision and thoroughness that you do.
As a parent you must realize that your child will never wash the car, make his bed, set the table, or feed the dog with the same care and completeness that you do. You speak volumes to your child when he proudly makes his bed, then you, in front of him, re-do it or straighten out a wrinkled section. What you are non-verbally communicating is that his best was not good enough. I’ve seen time and time again when children have given their very best efforts to complete a certain task only to have their parents find fault with some minor aspect. All this does is communicate to the child that his best doesn’t measure up and this in turn harms the child’s sense of self-worth. As a child is learning realize that their thinking and skills capacity is drastically different than yours and appreciate their heartfelt efforts!
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The Who & The Do
By Jane | February 12, 2009
This blog is not an attempt to mimic Dr. Seuss! However, I wonder how many parents realize the subtle, unintentional ways they are communicating to their children that their love for them is conditional?
The greatest gift a parent can instill within their child is love, affirmation, and an inner sense of value and worth. Pastor Robles has been dealing with the discipline side of love in his Family Matters series and it has been tremendous; I would encourage every parent to buy that series and listen to it periodically.
Having worked with teenagers for 31 years I want to deal with some things a parent might be doing (unconsciously) that communicates to their child that the child is loved more for what they do instead of for who they are. You may not agree, but if this makes you think then it’s worth it.
Tip # 1
When a parent says, “I’m so proud of you! Look at that great report card.” Or “Wow, you played an outstanding game tonight! I’m so pleased!” even though those comments are made with the best of intentions, they still tend to convey to the child that their parent’s love for them is earned.
I’m definitely not saying to ignore any child’s accomplishments or achievements, just be conscious of how your pleasure is expressed. For those good grades try saying something such as, “You’ve got to be very proud of this report card and that has to make you feel good, I’m so happy for you.” For that great game performance you can commend your child by expressing something similar to, “You had a great game tonight! That has to be exciting for you, let’s celebrate your excitement with a trip to Wendy’s.”
Instead of conveying to the child you are proud of them for what they’ve done the second set of expressions shows that you are acknowledging what the child has done and want to share in how they are feeling.
It is right, it is correct, and it is good to celebrate any child’s achievements but parents need to be careful that their child doesn’t feel as if they are being valued and loved only for what they do instead of for who they are.
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$uccessful C.E.O
By Jane | January 29, 2009
In our last entry we learned that wealthy Boaz never assumed that his business operation was being run the way he wanted it to be; he knew exactly how it was being run. How could he know for sure that his business was being handled the way he wanted it to be? He dropped in and saw for himself how things were being done. Previously we shared how we get what we inspect not always what we expect. Here’s another tidbit of success wisdom, never assume anything.
A very, very wise man once taught me that when I say, “Well I assumed it was going to be taken care of or I assumed so and so was going to do that.” In reality what I am admitting is that I was too lazy to do the follow up. Think about it! Those of you who are married, when you say, “Well I assumed you were picking up dinner tonight” what you are really saying is that you were too lazy to call or do whatever was needed to know for sure who was picking up dinner.
If you want a good solid technique that leads to real success: then never make assumptions. Do the work! If you honestly want to break yourself of playing the blame game, don’t make assumptions. If you want to make sure that things in your business, family, and your corner of the world run more smoothly, never make assumptions. May 2009 be one of your most successful and prosperous years ever!
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$uccess Principles
By Jane | January 19, 2009
$uccessful CEO
Another success principle we see evidenced by the wealthy owner of Boaz Farms, Inc. was he knew exactly what going on within his business. Boaz didn’t assume that things were running smoothly. He appeared “on site” and inspected firsthand how things were being run.
Ruth 2:4-5
And behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said unto the reapers, The LORD be with you. And they answered him, The LORD bless thee.
Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this?
Whether you are the owner or manager of a business or, as a parent, the C.E.O. of your family, you need to know what is going on in your home and in the lives of your children.
Dr. James Dobson, one of today’s foremost experts on the family unit and successful child rearing said this, “You don’t have to be a super parent; you do have to be a supervisor.” Good parents, who raise successful children, know their children’s friends, where their children are, who they are with, and what they are doing.
No parent ever wants to think that their child might make bad choices, but remember this: you get what you inspect, not what you expect. Knowing what is in your child’s bedroom, book bag, computer and car is your responsibility, as well as, where your children are and who they are with. Children may not always avoid caving into temptation but the opportunity to give in decreases, when a child realizes someone is checking up on them. Think about your reaction the last time you were driving down the highway, and in the rearview mirror a vehicle with a red light appeared. Immediately your eyes went to the speedometer and your right foot instantly let up on the accelerator. We all need accountability figures in our lives, and this is one role a parent must fulfill in order to raise successful children. Whether you are managing a business or a bustling family, you need to make the effort to know firsthand what’s going on.
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$uccessful CEO
By Jane | January 6, 2009
The next key to Boaz’s prosperous success was seen in his ability to delegate.
Ruth 2:4-5
And behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said unto the reapers, The LORD be with you. And they answered him, The LORD bless thee. Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this?
One of the quickest ways to become exhausted, ineffective or “burned out” is to try to do everything yourself. Whether you are CEO of a company, or your home, whether you are in a position of management, or just striving to manage a family, the delegation of duties is vitally important.
Obviously, this means you need to give up control and ownership of tasks that others are capable of doing. When we think no one can do a task as good as we can; perhaps our ego has grown too large, or old codependent habits are creeping back into our lifestyles. Remember that your way of doing things isn’t the only way; there are a lot of different ways to efficiently accomplish a particular task. Getting the job done correctly is the bottom line, not the validation of your particular method of doing things.
Delegation of tasks also means you must develop a level of trust in the abilities of others. Trusting in others may be a challenge, it may be risky, and may even prove disappointing at times, but when trust is placed in the right person it can provide you with a wonderful world of benefits.
Remember God created us all with different strengths and weaknesses. When you learn to delegate to others according to their strengths; you’ll find you too will prosper. We always benefit when we do things God’s way.
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