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80’s Glam Rock and Spandex
By Bryan | November 30, 2009
I Hate Spandex (definition: Spandex, or elastane, is a synthetic fiber known for its exceptional Cling factor) and I blame the 80’s Glam Rock era for introducing us to a fabric that far too many have deceived themselves into thinking they could wear it and look good in it; I am included in that being I thought I could pull that style off. (I blame Bon Jovi)
And we all know or have come in contact with Spandex –like people. Sure they may not actually wear the forbidden fabric, but they have many of its characteristics.
These people will cling to you, and cling tightly. They will grab onto you and not want to let go. It won’t feel right, look right and you should get it off. These are what we call overly needed people; those who have by their own bad choices are always clinging to you for a bailout. As I was thinking about this if we are not careful we can get a Spandex Complex.
How do we avoid the Spandex Complex?
Set healthy boundaries by allowing them to face their own consequences.
Consequences are a natural part of God’s system, and when helping people who are overly needy, as difficult as it may be, we must love them enough to allow them to face their consequences.
Look at scripture. Galatians 6:7-8,
You will reap what you sow
You can see a great example of this in Luke 15. The Bible calls it the parable of the Prodigal son. It’s actually a father who had two sons, and one of the sons said, “Dad, I don’t want to live your way anymore. Give me my share of the estate.” And this son went out, took his father’s wealth, and he blew it, partying hard. Well, his father was wise enough to let this son hit bottom, and when the son hit bottom and faced the consequences of his sinful behavior, the Bible says the son came to his senses and he thought to himself, “Hey, even my father’s servants have food, and here I am out dying because of these bad choices.” The consequences led him to the right decision, which was to go back to his father’s ways.
Rescuing isn’t always helping
Moms, dads, sometimes one of the most loving things that we can do is step back and say, “I don’t want to see you hurt, but if you make these choices, then you are going to have to go down that road on your own.” Rescuing isn’t always helping. Now, as soon as you don’t rescue someone who is overly needy, and you have rescued them in the past, the first thing they are going to do is say, “You don’t want me anymore. This isn’t fair. If you love me, you would’ve helped me.”
What my mom and dad did for me when I was a freshman in college was one of the most painful things that they ever did. Alcohol had been a, had caused a lot of pain in our family. And for whatever foolish reason, I thought I could handle alcohol. Well, I couldn’t, and so my parents said to me, “If you go down that road, you will go down it by yourself. We will no longer support you.” And they told me what that meant, and it basically meant that they wouldn’t support me, and so, I hit bottom. Hard. My wrong decisions, although fun for a season. Eventually, caught up and I lost my friends, reputation, resources. I crashed and hit bottom, and when I hit bottom, I had nowhere to turn, but up. And, not even sure if this whole Jesus thing was real, I called on the name of Jesus, and I’m telling you, in a moment’s time, the risen Christ touched me and changed me, and that’s why I believe with everything in me that sometimes, some people have to do it the hard way. They have to hit bottom so there’s nowhere else to turn but up, and when they turn up, He will be there for them.
I asked my mom, I said, “What was it like to watch me go down that road?” and she said, “Bryan, it was the hardest thing I ever did to know you were on a path to destruction, but you just wouldn’t learn any other way.” And they wisely stepped back, and prayed for me, and let me crash.
You see, rescuing isn’t always helping. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s not. It’s the tension. You have to be sensitive to the voice of the Spirit of God.
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